i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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