I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Randomize
