We're like a lot better than the average bears
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
