I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
