just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
