I looked at my own cervix.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
