Me too!
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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