is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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