I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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