Whatcha textin bout Willis?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
