problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Shame - the story of my life.
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