Just cropdusted the office
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
