We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
