I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
