That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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