he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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