apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
