using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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