if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
it glows. i had to have it.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
