i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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