I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
