Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
