Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
