Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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