I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
