i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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