I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
