omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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