I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
