He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
