this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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