so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
