i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
What a fucking waste of an outfit
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
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