There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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