I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
