ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
