nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
