nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
