my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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