Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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