the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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