i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
