chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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