The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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