I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Randomize
