Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Randomize
