ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
