I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
