maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
