I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
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