so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Randomize
