I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
