fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
