I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
