3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
