You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
