a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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