Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
