either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
