It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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