How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
