i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
We left the knife in your bed.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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