in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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