Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
