woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize