the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
