Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
