Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
