You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
my liver is dry heaving
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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