You're so nebulous sometimes
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
