How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
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