Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
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