too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
