Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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