just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
