Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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