how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
