Where did you get a picture of my penis
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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