I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Non-Jews are for practice
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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