i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize