my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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