Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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