i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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