Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Everyone says I win the strip club
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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