You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
