On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
She even gives head with a lisp.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
