so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
