just come out here and I will go home with you...
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
