I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
