I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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