Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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