So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
