i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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