My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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