i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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