Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
