i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
