dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
