dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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