I wish I could punch you in the face.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
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