He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
