Ketchup is God's man juice
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
