Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize