Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
