Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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