Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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