I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
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