Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
