Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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