I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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